I'm friendly, but inside I've got this thought process like, eh, I'm better than you. You're, you know, whatever... And I, it's a, it's a covert way of keeping myself safe emotionally. Like if I'm better than him, or if I kind of had this contempt for him, then I can, I can not have to give him my heart or be vulnerable to him. And that's a form of protecting myself. And it's actually violent.