And you know, I'm thankful that you know, for whatever reason, I played that out and but I certainly wanted to die. There were countless other times, and this was more common, especially this last time I got sober, those last few days before I went to rehab where I was like. And um, and you know, to some extent it kind of worked, you know, um, but anyway, you know, there was definitely many times in my active addiction where I was just like I, I the world would be better off if I wasn't here.