I truly believe with my beliefs with the higher power, you know, I feel like sometimes people are... pulled into the purpose immediately. And that when it's finally the time... I mean it's like... because... like... what what exactly could have... like when you really think about it like what the f*** was going on in your life all of a sudden just this change of structure in your brain... it's just so this is such a dichotomy in comparison to where you were at just a few months before that... like all of a sudden you're wanting to change and I'm sure that brought fear and too all that s*** too.