I would let this relationship go. It doesn't sound like there's a viable or healthy resolution to it. I would cut back on a little bit of your work. I'd cut back on drinking. Get yourself healthy. Get yourself mentally good. Don't blame her either. Look at the things you did that led to this, because, in general, if you're fucking really honest with yourself. You'll see all the mistakes you made and you'll eventually be able to forgive her once you've moved on.