I love the way the steps are laid out and the way that they go in order and the way that they help me to be the man that I'm supposed to be today. I forget sometimes, and we're supposed to be going through the fifth step right now, out of the 12 and 12. So, and of course, I didn't mark the page. So, we are, okay, I think, I think last week we started with more than most people. More than most people, I as an alcoholic live a double life. I am very much the actor. I want to enjoy a certain reputation, but inside I know I don't deserve it because inside myself talking unsatisfiable, fault-finding, opinionated mind is talking to myself about you and how, why are you the boss? This inconsistency is made worse by the things I do on my sprees or in alcoholism, sober. Coming to my senses, I'm revolted at certain episodes I vaguely remember, like telling you you can take your job and shove it because I can't listen to you anymore because I can't hold the spring down because I can't comply anymore because my inner voice is telling me you're an idiot and my outer voice is saying, yes, okay, I'll do that. And eventually I blow up. I tremble to think that everyone in the office saw me have this explosion.